i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found your dick twin last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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