you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your penis caused this!
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