My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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