how can u be prego again
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
