"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
