Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
