For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
