I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
