Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
