could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
