I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
