She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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