Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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