i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
