I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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