do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
