Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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