and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
