i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
