1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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