you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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