dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
