i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
