nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
