I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
