I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he puts the penis in happiness.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
