Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
