i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
