life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
