My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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