idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
