Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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