I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
