Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
