The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
