I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
