I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
