I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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