I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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