I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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