it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
