I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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