very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
