Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
