We won't sleep together?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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