So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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