tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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