Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
