I want to walk on stilts...naked
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
