I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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