shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
