there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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