Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
