8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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