obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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