Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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