dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize