I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
