I want to make a zoo with you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
