She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
