Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
