it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
