Someone shit on the floor
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize